Wellness and self care experts are everywhere. In academic medicine, physician and faculty burn out has been a topic and a problem to solve for decades.  We know from the literature what organizations should do to support their faculty, yet many interventions have failed to produce broad, lasting impact. Institutions that fall short have faculty wanting more than yoga at lunch or gym memberships.

But also, wellness has become this huge umbrella, covering nearly every function in academic medicine—culture and belonging, civility among colleagues, clinical workflows, and more—because virtually everything we do at work affects our overall well-being. I have been there, trying to raise awareness that equity and inclusion are essential to wellness, too.  I have been there, trying to bring awareness that equity and inclusion are also a matter of wellness.

One of my favorite practices is that of gratitude. Dr. Really-good-at-her-job and I have often discussed its positive effects. The practice of gratitude is the intentional act of appreciating the positive things in life, big and small, and happening every day.  It is also about cultivating a growth mindset, the belief that a person's capacities and talents can improve over time.

Toxic positivity aside, I hope we find something to be grateful for every day. I hope that even if we are not believers of wellness efforts in the academy, that we try to look at the positives.

Now, here is the warning to Drs. Really-good-at-their-job everywhere. Accepting harmful conditions or unfair treatment, with “I’m thankful for my resilience under these circumstances” or “I’m grateful that at least I have a job.” is NOT  wellness.

(Pause - for many individuals this is indeed something to be grateful given the era we are in.)

Normally, I’d offer advice for our faculty: Yes, gratitude can be empowering.

For some, it can be a form of prayer. I know Dr. Really-good-at-her-job practices gratitude for her resilience, for her sacrifices, for her ability to impact students' lives in and outside of the classroom, for her ability to save lives and improve the health of individuals in all communities. Dr. Really-good-at-her-job is also thankful for great mentors and teachers that have supported her along her academic journey. Good or bad, Dr. Really-good-at-her-job is thankful for her upbringing because that made her who she is. Those lived experiences created her research focus and mission in life, her purpose.

Do you feel good? I do, because some days it is a relief to breathe in and out. How lovely it is to talk about these things, but then…

Like many faculty and women of color in academia, Dr. Really-good-at-her-job navigates multiple layers of oppression, and racism and sexism are only two.

The thought or  phrase from a leader:  “You should be more grateful” is neither wellness nor neutral. Even when leaders do not say it, the sentiment is in the air like the sweet scent  of jasmine or the stench of a dumpster fire. Therefore, here is the part when I talk to leaders. Consider these situations:

• Dr. Really-good-at-her-job #1: A Black woman professor raises concerns about the lack of mentorship. A dean replies, “You should be more grateful, we hired you at a high rank.”
• Dr. Really-good-at-her-job #2: A Latina scholar critiques the curriculum for lacking diverse voices. A colleague responds, “You should be grateful you’re even on the committee.”
• Dr. Really-good-at-her-job #3 identifies as a queer Black woman who raises concerns over leadership decisions that break earlier promises to her and harm her research. The chancellor thinks “You should be grateful you have a job.”

Clearly, these are quite specific scenarios, but how many times do you have faculty coming to you and you think “How ungrateful, I gave them an opportunity and now they challenge me? Listen, I know there are bad apples and bad attitudes out there, but stick with me here. This might be an implicit bias and even a power dynamic issue.

The sentence “You should be more grateful” carries significant meaning, problematic implications when directed at faculty women of color in academia. Even unsaid, believe me, 99.9% of the time (more of less) Dr. Really-good-at-her-job knows you’re thinking it.

Some advice for leaders:

1.  Don’t say it! Suppressing a voice that calls out inequity reinforces a culture of silence and suggests that speaking up means ingratitude.

2. Check yourself. When you think it or say it, you are undermining the fact that Dr. Really-good-at-her-job earned her place in the institution through merit, excellence, and intellect (or MEI).

3. Be aware of public harm.  When you say it in front of others you undermine her role, authority, scholarship, and achievements.

4. Recognize gaslighting. This is how I finally understood academic gaslighting, dismissing their lived experiences denies reality and deepens the sense of institutional betrayal and harm.

5. Watch for Benevolent Sexism.  Benevolent sexism also shows up wrapped in paternalistic or maternalistic attitudes. Now, you have managed to increase disengagement and another bout of impostor feelings.

(Side note: my view on “impostor syndrome” is that we doubt ourselves because systems and leaders keep signaling that we’re not good enough. If we feel like impostors, it may be because of bad leadership and the fact you have made me doubt myself over and over again.)

Please believe me when I say faculty of color talk! They/we gather and share. So when you think you are talking to just Dr. Really-good-at-her-job, you might be talking to all of us. “You should be more grateful” is rarely about gratitude. In my conversations  with Dr. Really-good-at-her-job it seems more often about compliance, obedience, misdirected loyalty.

Recognizing this meaning is a step toward creating truly inclusive and equitable academic spaces.

My advice to leaders::

• Listen actively and acknowledge systemic inequities, even when you can’t clearly see it.

• Value critique as a form of engagement and commitment to the institution. Not disloyalty.

• Practice humility and intentional self-reflection..

Dr. Really-good-at-her-job, I also hope this helps your “wellness journey”. For now here is a gratitude statement in your honor.

“I’m grateful for my success and the things I have accomplished, for those that helped me, the students, staff, and colleagues who energized me. I am grateful for the support and love of my family and friends. I am grateful for my voice because I use it to empower myself and I use it in service to others. I am grateful for the opportunities that have come my way because I deserve them based on my work, blood, sweat and tears and l deserve to have my voice heard at this institution and to be treated with respect and as equal.

Dr. Really-good-at-her-job, I am grateful for you. You inspire me.